It’s The Pitts: Out Of Bounds
Lately, it seems like I’ve seen dogs in places where they have traditionally not been allowed entrance, like the grocery store and restaurants – and pooping on neighboring property instead of their own.
This has gotten to the point where I think someone needs to establish a few rules and boundaries before it gets totally out of control. So, here are the top 10 places I believe one should never take their dog.
10. The tire store
Think about it. A dog in a tire store is like the proverbial kid in a candy store. Surrounded by tires of every description, there’s entirely too much temptation for a dog to lift his leg on every brand new Michelin and Goodyear in the place.
9. Microchip Day for cats at the library
Cats are going to be stressed out enough about having a microchip implanted in their ear, which will allow them to be tracked 24-7. Cats are so insecure and such conspiracy theorists to begin with. Throw a dog or two into the mix, and the fur will fly.
The noise alone would be enough to distract serious readers and researchers.
8. The car wash
I know there’s a strong inclination to put the dog in the back of the truck and then run through the car wash – thus getting a two-for-one deal. But, realize if you do, the pooch will forever insist on riding up front right after rolling in a pile of horse manure.
7. The bank
Whereas humans most often go to the bank to make withdrawals, their dog is more apt to leave a deposit. Please be advised, if the bank president steps in it, one might never get a loan from the establishment ever again.
6. A furniture store
Trust me, as the grandson of a furniture store owner I can assure readers no one wants to buy a “brand new” recliner with dog hair all over it. Especially if the furniture smells like the previous occupant had cabbage, anchovies and some bad cheese for dinner.
5. The theater
No one wants to have a Rottweiller eyeing their popcorn or bon bons over the back of the seat in front of them right in the middle of a scary movie.
4. The nude beach
For a dog, seeing wrinkly old men and sagging old ladies in the buff could be such a traumatic incident, it will have nightmares for the rest of its life. In extreme cases, it could be such a scary and scarring experience, they’ll run out in front of the first cement truck they see.
You know how at every funeral or wedding in a church there’s always the embarrassed mom who has to take her baby outside when it starts crying? This will be you if you insist on taking your yapping purse dog into the hallowed halls of a church.
2. A concert
Those who insist on taking their dog to a Limp Biskit, Ozzie Osbourne or Paris Hilton concert, their dog’s caterwauling and howls will be heard three counties away.
1. The hospital
There’s a reason there is no such thing as a “bring your dog to work day” at the hospital. The chances are just too great the dog could bring bacteria and bad bugs into an otherwise sterile environment.
There’s also the possibility an orthopedic surgeon might throw his dog a bone every once in a while.