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Good News/Bad News

by Wyoming Livestock Roundup

I have a psychologist friend who told me the best way to break bad news to someone is in the traditional bad news/good news format. She insists it is best to tell the bad news first and then cheer them up with the good news last, but I don’t know about this.  

Here are just a few examples of how people who one deals with on a regular basis might break some bad news.  

From the banker: “The bad news is the bank has recently been sold and the new owners don’t do ag loans, so you’ll need to find alternative financing for your operating loan and the loan on your ranch within 48 hours.” 

He continues, “The good news is, I have a cousin who is a loan shark for the mob. I told him about your situation, and he’s agreed to loan you the money necessary to pay off the bank at 18 percent interest compounded daily. His name is Scar-Faced Vinny and he’ll be in touch soon.” 

From the doctor: “The good news is, there’s a treatment for your condition which includes taking one of these little pills daily for the rest of your life.” 

“But Doc, the prescription you wrote is for only three pills.” 

“Yes, I’m afraid this is the bad news.” 

From a preferred seedstock supplier: ”The good news is, only five of the bulls out of the 2,500 head we’ve sold in the last five years were sired by a well-known herd sire, now found to carry genes for three deadly genetic defects, including being born with five legs, a curved spine or a tail where an ear should be. The bad news is, you bought all five.”  

“But wait, here’s some more good news. As a way of saying sorry, we’ll give you 10 percent off on any bulls you buy in our upcoming sale if you buy 10 head or more,” they add. 

From a fiancé: ”The good news is, I have discussed it with my parents and we’re planning on a small wedding. The bad news is, I’m not going.” 

From the feds: ”The bad news is, even though no endangered red headed pollywogs live in your water troughs, our scientists have hypothesized it would be possible for them to live there. Therefore all water troughs on your ranch will have to be fenced off from your cattle and you’ll have to maintain them at the proper temperature and degree of fullness at all times. The good news is you can still run cattle on the rest of your ranch… for the time being.” 

From the veterinarian: ”The bad news is your cow is suffering from a very expensive disease. The good news is, if she doesn’t survive the treatment and we have a negative patient outcome, I’m a taxidermist and I also buy hides. Either way, you’ll get your cow back.” 

From a favorite cattle feeder: ”The good news is, your cattle performed exceptionally well, are currently at their optimum weight and cattle prices are the highest they’ve been in months. The bad news is, none of the big four meatpackers want to buy them.” 

From the lawyer: ”The good news is, I met with your wife today and she informed me she recently invested $5,000 in two pictures which could be worth millions of dollars and I think she’s being conservative.” 

“This is great news. She always has had a good eye and is a brilliant businesswoman. So tell me, what could possibly be the bad news?” 

“The bad news is, the two pictures are of you and your secretary.” 

From a favorite leatherworker: “I have some good news and some bad news to tell you. The bad news is, your husband was in my shop today and accidentally fell into one of my big upholstery stitching machines. The good news is, when you get him back he should be fully recovered.” 

From a best friend: “I’m just gonna get this over with and give you both the good news and the bad news all together at the same time. Your wife is cheating on both of us.” 

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